Imagine only being able to hear the song when it comes on the radio, so you catch it if and when you can. Or when you change the radio and suddenly and it is the song but it has already ended. Well when I hear a melody that I am really digging, I immediately want it. I want to keep hearing the melody, because I enjoy the sound and how it makes me feel and how I connected with it. I do not want to just hear it on the radio if I am lucky. I want to hear it every time I think of the song. Same way with love and romance I do not want a chance to pass by, I want to learn more and hear the "the rest of the Album". Learn more about the person, so to say. I have neve been in love. Close to it? I thought I was. But the more I think about it, I was convincing myself I felt that way. I only did it because I was not willing to accept the truth. I knew the reality, just wasn't ready for the gravity.
I always feel like a part of me is incomplete. I am happy, just incomplete. Love to me is not a feeling of I am finally happy but finally complete. And thus, I am happy to have everything I feel I was missing in life. But I am happy. I am reminded often when I listen to love songs. I guess since I have no love my heart has no face or a name to put on these love songs. So they feel empty. Passionate, strong, breathtaking but empty. I listen to these songs and I feel like suddenly my air is shorter. My heart often times is reminding me of something I never had. I Listen to the love songs and wish I had someone I could be thinking about, hoping when he hears it as well, he thinks of me too. At the same time I am so scared to fall for someone so hard that I actually end up bruised. I feel like at that point, I will be vulnerable. My defenses are always high. I let people in and trust them. But falling in love... I would have to let go close my eyes and give myself to my partner, hoping he meant when he said he cared and would never want to hurt me. This is when the phrase actions speak louder than words is tested. You close your eyes and let go and fall in his loving arms. (falling in love) That is what true love I feel feels like. It is a sense a relief knowing you found such a person. You trust the wrong person, and not even Life Alert will be able to lift you up from that fall. (just saying). I have never trusted anyone that much. I went through a breakup with my last Ex and the feeling is ridiculous. Just sadness and tears and sad music, loss of interest. It feels like the colors in life suddenly faded. To me I feel love is a raindow, no mater if it is raining and/or shining they will always be there to bring colors to your life. they will be there in your good days and or bad days. I only say that because even when it rains, I see a ranbow and I forget that it is even rainng. I am no longer focused on that because something beautiful came out of it. If it is sunny and I see a rainbow, even better.
I think it is important to love yourself first, and be happy with yourself first. Love is home, but you will always be "homeless" if you are always going from home to home. You have to have your own "home" first that way should you ever reside somewhere else and it does not work out, you can always find your way back. That is why many people feel lost when they do not have love or a relationship. They simply do not have a home, have no where to go, no place to channel and deal with the emotions. I have a certain image of a person I intended to fall in love with, internally that is. It is like all my life I have had a dream of this man that I could grow old with, have a family with. But there was never a face, or a name. Just a spirit I could feel. Like I can close my eyes and smile knowing he is out there, and he too was thinking the same thing. Often times daydream about what he would look like, or how long it would take. I have been on plenty of dates because I want to listen what people have to say. See how they perceive life. What goals they have in the future, what have they done in the past, whether it was good or bad and see what they made out of the situation. If I decide to get in a relationship with someone it is with the intention to last for a while. I know people tell me just have fun and enjoy. But personally, I do not want to get involved with someone because they are really attractive or have a fancy lifestyle. It is because we envision the same future, not necessarily marry them, but just make it worthwhile. Time only moves forward. So if I stand by someone who I do not see a future with, I would not move forward, I will be in the same place I started for God knows how long. And life is short, I do not want to wake up the next day and feel I wasted my time with someone. I want each day that passes by it get better and brighter to help each others goals. And that is another HUGE thing, a man with a plan. I cannot be with someone if they do not know what they want in life, like are they even sure they want me? Those people are dangerous because there is a lot of uncertainty in their life. If someone has no goals they have nowhere to go in life, no future to look forward to. In my life, I want someone on my level so we can become greater together, or someone higher that I can look up to, and help me get to where he is.
Love shouldn't cause pain, I have met plenty of couples (older generations) that are as happy as can be. And they also said that they have never had any problems. Some disagreements once in a while, but most was due to the lack of communication. But many people nowadays try to put an excuse to why they hurt their significant other. If you truly love someone, the last thing you want is to cause pain. People say that they were "angry" when they get physical. But I feel that only happens because people do not tend to communicate. People are fearful of confrontation, the truth and the lies, or simply letting some things go. Everything essential to a happy and effective relationship. Yes, I changed my mind about dinner I am sorry. Instead of making a argument of how I changed my mind. Just say it is okay and move on, now we have saved enough time enjoy dinner and even get desert... a homemade ice cream banana split
;) Aaand Moving on lol.
Love in general I feel is a sweet thing, It helps us grow, we are born with love in our hearts. No one is born to hate, it is what people learned on their own. And even then, we have the choice whether we choose to express it or not. Just because something is common, it doesn't make it okay. But anyways, thank you for everyone that checks out my website or is a subscriber on my Youtube channel. You are awesome!!! Be well and always remember, the greatest happiness and love comes from within yourself.
Be well!
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