Christmas

Christmas has not felt warm since I don’t even know when. Well looking back maybe when I was 12. When I was a child I was raised between Dominican Republic and Tampa Florida. And Christmas is not really the children’s holiday. It is January 6! El Dia De los 3 Reyes Magos. The day of the 3 wise kings. That was the night the bright star of Bethlehem shined in the sky the night Jesus was born. The three wise man followed the star and they brought gifts to baby Jesus. This is also called the Christmas star, the ones seen on top of the Christmas tree. So on January 6th the gifts are not placed under a tree, but under our beds! So I recall when I was maybe 9 years old I really wanted this Shakira Doll. It sang the song Whenever Whenever in Spanish. I was sooo in love with it and I said to my mom/Aunt I want it please! And she said no there is no money put it back. So sadly, I placed it back on the shelf. So on January 5th I remember I picked out grass for like an hour from the back yard, placed it in a box for the horses. I went to the corner store and with the little change I had I got some crackers and candy for the 3 wise men. I even left them some water to wash down the crackers. I was so excited that year like any other. I remember I looked under my bed maybe every 5 minutes. Nothing. Somehow I fell asleep for a few moments I woke up and there it was! The Shakira Doll! The crackers and the candies were gone! I was soooo happy, I mean that was my best Christmas ever. Rarely could we afford anything so when you got something it was shocking. I mean when I passed 7th Grade my mom/aunt took me and my best friend Priscila to McDonalds as a celebration. But we never went out to eat, we always ate at home so it was a great day!

So yeah I was the happiest person in the world singing with my Shakira doll. As a child that was my favorite Christmas. When I was 12 I think that was the 2ndand last memorable Christmas feeling. But it was not a gift that made it memorable, but my family. I was with Cheyanne who is my cousin but she is like a sister. I had all my American cousins for the first time in years. I was 12 when I moved back to the United States. But my cousins were like brothers and sisters to me. We were young and silly, playful and happy. When I was 13 I was in foster care and my life changed forever. I lost my Uncle who was the closet to a father I had, he raised me. I lost my home and life was just never the same. When I twelve years old that was the last time I saw my family that happy and all together.

And as years go by Christmas is just okay. This year I forgot to wish people Merry Christmas. I feel that without the family or the togetherness of people you love, there is no Christmas. I am just not in the spirit this year. I wish I was but I can’t fake it. I feel perhaps when I have children of my own, a Family of my own I can bring up the Christmas feeling to life. Not just one or two memorable Christmases but if I am lucky, a lifetime full of them. Hot chocolate, I have yet to make s’mores, I have never even tasted one. I want a holiday like the movies lol, a cinematic holiday as I call it. I have always wanted to do the Christmas carol thing too, share some Christmas joy.

There is this house in Florida that has the house full of lights! It is this house posted here, this house is the reason why I am writing this. And every year I come to see this house because it feels warm and joyful. You can’t miss it as you’re driving it’s so bright. And I feel that houses like that gives people hope like me. As years have passed people decorate less, and it has become a dark place. So when beautiful homes like this are near it puts a smile on my face and in these dark times they’re shining their light and joys to others. I do not have a home right now, so meanwhile I enjoy seeing others such as this one and they inspire me. And who knows maybe when I have my house it can shine some light to them, or hopefully even a smile the same way it did for me.


Happy Holidays!