To my brother Martin

What have you been up to? What’s going on in your life? There are many things that I want to say to you. But sometimes I feel you’re not going to think about it. And just blow it off like you always do. But I can’t take it any longer, and I’m going to say what I have to say hoping you change your mind one of these days. First, every day I come across your status on facebook. Like what are they so sad and gloomy? I try to avoid it and just do me. But how can I when I see someone I love drifting apart and losing his mind over a broken heart. Every time I ask why martin, why? When you came over the other day, I saw it all in your eyes. I get on the computer and I listen to your beats. Remember when you used to sit right over there on that seat. And everything started coming back to me; all the funny times with you, me, Chey and the family. Martin you’re smart and talented. I’m not saying that just cause you’re my family. I am saying that from my heart, Honestly. But I’m worried about you. About your life, your future to tell you the truth. You say you want the good times back. Well so do I but sitting there wishing for it aint gonna get you jack. And I have faith for you. Just cause you think the world is falling apart on you. I’m still here. Even though some people might hate you. Im here. When you might think your family don’t give a crap about you. Im here. And for everything you done to me, I forgive you. If theres anything I done. Forgive me. Martin you need change. Some real change. Not no two min break and be the same the next day. If you hate so much how you living? Why not change your ways? And if it don’t work then find more ways. There is always a way for change. But you got to commit to it, stick with it. The people you with right now don’t seem to get you anywhere.  So why keep going there? You told me one day while you were in jail, “pay attention to school. Stay focused. Don’t pay attention to friends cause when you graduate they all gonna go their separate ways.” And its true. But if that’s the case, why you still about your friends? Not sayin you shouldn’t  have any, but at least have some that are worth something. Why be with friends that don’t seem to want to do anything with their life. When you can be with someone that actually wants to get you somewhere. when you get on facebook instead of saying fuck the world and everyone in it. Why not post on facebook, “looking for changes, anyone know a job I can work in? any place they’re hiring?” tell people you can sell beats, something useful and necessary instead of talking so negatively. You know what your own mom said? That she has a feeling you were going to die soon. That made me even sadder than before. She said that maybe around the age of 24. It ripped me apart that she said you might die. That she feels inside. She said she getting ready for it. How can you ready for that kind of shit??? Your grandmother doesn’t even know you been to jail. We keep it from her so she wont get worried and sick. But shit, she said you were going to be nobody cause you weren’t doing nothing. Titi could only say, “oh well.” Tio was sad, I can tell. Issaic was just like you. And look where he’s at. Facing at least 5 years in prison. Based on just one lousy decision. People claim its never too late. But like everything else, nothing lasts forever. You can prove yourself. Prove those who looked down on you. Prove what you can do. I just hope you realize it on time. And pray. Pray. Pray. Don’t just pray cause your in a bad situation but pray in good times too. Cause you never know when it will be taken away. Martin I love you, take care and start changing. Its better to be safe than sorry. Its better to be happy than to worry. So start changing. The world aint over for you unless you allow it to.

Love always your sister,

Vicky.